It's necessary to state that everything within this book is meant to cause hysterical laughter that leaves oneself in fits of uncontrollable giggles. It's also needed to be mentioned that we don't care who we might quote (you'll probably be mentioned somewhere or another, we're making this up as we go along). More or less, at the beginning of this lititurical (I don't care about proper grammar whatsoever unless another persons doing it) work, we're a couple of teenagers without any lives whatsoever to speak of outside of school. And being that we have absolutely NO lives during the summer months, it's reasonable for us to abuse the time we're granted with pointless projects that probably won't be of any use to anyone aside from ourselves. But what the heck, it's always fun to do the pointless.

And so it came to pass that during the reign of the sprinkles from the ever happy doughnut that was purchased for a very reasonable price from Krispy KremeŽ (come to think of it, we paid nothing for it since it was several weeks old (an employee found it had rolled underneath a table and gave it to an obnoxious teenager that kept asking for free food), that the adolescent of a number of years (referring to a punk kid that never listened to his parents) found himself with a stomachache of indescribable pain. He soon found himself in a port-a-potty of a random construction site that was conveniently close by. But this is aside the point because sprinkles and the aforementioned teenager (who was named Fred (poor guy)) have nothing to do with anything in this story (yet). I just thought that the intro sounded really good.

But onto more important details pertaining to nothing of import. There were four youths (meaning that they hadn't done anything excessively evil yet (because it wasn't even noon'ish yet (how're you supposed to get up to no good when you've not had enough sleep! (Teenagers need to sleep until noon'ish or else they're just not right in the mind)) and we're considered youths until proven otherwise) sprawled out on their backs in a bedroom with their mouths wide open, drooling the drool that can only be concocted when the brain is in a lapse & the mouth is desiring of munchies (they're not on drugs (there will be no drugs whatsoever in this book) but they're teenagers who don't eat properly (we prefer to think of our dietary habits as 'sugar is the top of the food pyramid so obviously it's the most important too')) . Now, none of these had an original thought in their melting heads (summer in Arizona + sleep depravation = negative 0) but were stuck on the eternal question of, "to move, or not to move." Anywho, one said unto the other bummers, "Dudes, I'm bored. What could we do?" (Obviously this isn't the first time they've said they were bored out of their minds since they hadn't moved for several weeks (blessed summer, when you can stay in one spot and not move until the carpet gnomes come for you (then it's a fight for your existence as a free person before they beat you into submission))).

Now, these four individuals are especially odd (above and beyond the use of the term 'weird'. They're so 'odd' that 'odd' doesn't begin to describe it unless 'odd' meant that you could never find a person that had ever or would or could ever exist that was like them (unless their brains got scrambled by the microwave too)) and they will be playing a central part to this story (might as well. They're the guys that're sitting behind me giggling while I write this incoherent literary work). Now, Josh (who is based after my co-author (some co-author! He hasn't helped me write a freaking word of this but he wants to take credit since he's 'special' meaning that he has an I.Q. of about 143 (well laudy freakin dah!) and can remember math, English or history without breaking a sweat but when it comes to life he can't even tie his own shoes (seriously. He wears Velcro shoes)) and claims that he's sending me psychic vibes (he's staring at the back of my head saying, "nyia-nyia-nyia (you'd have to hear it)". Then there's Jordoon (who is an illegal immigrant from Canadia (I'm from America and I'm an American, and he's a Canadian so OBVIOUSLY he's from Canadia) but refuses to admit to his illegal existence within our country) who only has two things on his mind (girls and cars (he thinks of them in the same way (how to get 'it' as fast as you can))), Ivan (who has negative twelve brain cells (his mind is a black hole that sucks the intelligence out of the people around him very slowly (there are a few others with this talent, but Ivan is most definitely the worst)), and Kyle (who is so intelligent that he's stupid (deep thoughts that make him daydream all the time so he seems retarded (he forgets to breath for crying out loud!) and at times forgets he's alive or how to talk (the guy is a genius above and beyond (so far beyond that he's out of the park (make that universe)))). All of these defects in these four teenagers was caused by one thing: capitalist corporations of America shoveling sugary products down our throats in order to get us used to the idea of being addicted to products nobody but they could make (darn copyrights & patents) so that when we're adults we'll just say, "it's a part of life."

The first comment commented (for all of you as dazed and confused as you're meant to be at this point the comment was, "Dudes, I'm bored. What could we do?") was spoken by Josh (technically, it wasn't the first comment in this rather dull and pointless conversation, its just where I felt like starting (most of the conversation was spoken in 'dude' 'man' and of course 'grunting'). And its important to also note that these four had just spent several days together lazing upon the floor of Ivan's living room (we find it comforting to know that we're not the only bums refusing to do physical work during the summer (strength in numbers (even though we refuse to make use of our strength))). And so Josh was answered by Jordlinn who spoke, "Dude, we're always bored..."

When he was violently interrupted by Ivan who released a foolish smell that rendered the entire party unconscious from its foulness for several minutes. But when the effects of the noxious fumes wore off, they found it necessary to pummel him profusely for causing the odorous death particles of which he stupidly felt like sharing with the group (he could of at least went into the bathroom (you have no idea how bad this kid smells when he rips one off (its like a nuclear bomb but instead of the heat, its smell (you kinda want to rip your face off and cry like a baby for the next several years of your life)))). We let Ivan lay on the ground twitching for about an hour, just staring at him and laughing for lack of amusement (we're so twisted!).

"Dude, we're always bored," Jordeen repeated (he had lost several seconds of his life prior to the blast of toxic fumes). "We could go cruising."

"I don't wanna go cruising. We've got nowhere to go and it'd be a waste of gas," Josh complained (even though he couldn't drive).

"You asked."

"How about we go throw stuff at little kids," Kyle suggested (he found throwing things in general entertaining (for higher reasons than most are capable of comprehending (the simple calculations of throwing makes him laugh when taking into consideration the force needed, the affect gravity had, the wind, the mass, shape, & desired effect (told ya he was smart)) but his motive behind this idea was for the affect the hurled objects would have on the small children (they make fun sounds and try to intimidate their attackers into stopping (which never works) and threaten to 'beat them up' (the object is to get the funny sounds out of them without making them run away and tell on you)))).

"Where are we gonna find little kids at this time of day?" Jordien asked looking at the clock (it was about 10 in the morning and he thought that no sane person would be outside at this time of the day).

"Or stuff to throw. I mean, its not like we could find stuff laying around on the ground that we could use," Ivan added (dumber than a doorknob that thinks it's a shoe (not to mention that he was thinking even slower than usual (thanks to his failed suicide attempt by suffocating himself with his own foulnesses (the pummeling added to his lack of intellect as well)))).

"Of course not Ivan. Stuff doesn't just lie around on the ground. We'd have to go looking around for stuff cause we're on the floor and I know for a fact that I'm not stuff. You might be stuff, but I'm not," Jordern announced with pride (even though he was an illegal from a country known for its backwoods inbred country bumpkin lifestyle, Jordaen was smarter than most of his kind (that's right, he knew how to count to the letter circle (Canadian schools were renowned for their positively brilliant twits they called students (they even taught some how to speak an entire sentence without referring to how "Uncle Billy Bob, whose also my sister, and my grandson, once knew...")))))))))))))))))))) (I lost count of how many parentheses I'd used and found it necessary to overcompensate to be sure that I didn't mess up more than was appropriate).

"Thanks for agreeing with me Jordian," Ivan said to Jordun (you may be wondering by now why I've been spelling this character's name differently every time. Well the real reason is that he doesn't know the proper spelling and keeps changing his mind on how it should be spelt so I just keep agreeing with him so he doesn't whine over it).

"How about we go visit girls," Kyle suggested. Everyone was silent for several minutes following (nobody had any complaints against this idea (girls have that magical affect to make everything all better (even though they usually make things a whole lot worse to begin with (and to end with after having made them better (they find it gives their lives meaning (or so they say))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(hee hee).

"But we can't take Ivan with us. He'd kill them," Josh argued (it was more true than not. We'd become immune to his rankness but girls would die in a matter of seconds in his presence).

"Nah, let's be nice, just this once," said a mysterious voice from around the corner, which completely freaked out Jordeian, who isn't afraid of many things (namely cheese balls and pancakes).

Now where was I... to tell the truth, nothing is scripted and its all just random insanity concocted by the little people who run my mind as if it were a horse and buggy... but onto the less sensible!

And it did happen that it was time for turning over (can't lay in one spot for too long or the rest of your body gets jealous that its not gone numb and still has to feel) so they did proceed to travel unto the home of Minime (he's really not anybody's 1/8th sized clone but he is short & somehow was cursed with the nickname of Minime and he doesn't seem to mind it too much since he only bites off their kneecaps & doesn't try to do anything else (long sentences are fun)) by way of rolling. And they did come to his door and began to knock (too lazy to stand & ring the bell) with their heads until they were allowed entrance.

"About time you got here! I've been rolling around in circles for months now waiting for you to get this far in the story!" (Minime was the only character that's actually aware that he's an overly dramatized representation of a true person and has been waiting to be added into the story since this was begun (I've been occupied & haven't had time to finish since I began in April (its currently August)) and so back to the story!) Minime said.

"Sorry we've been arguing about what we could do," Josh apologized. (Nobody understood what Minime had said (Kyle did but remember that he's so smart he's stupid) but they just went with it). "So we decided to come here cause maybe you'd have an idea."

"Well maybe if our authors would actually plan out a thing or two this story would actually go somewhere instead of just being a bunch of random nonsense," Hunter grumbled.

"I don't think it works quite like that," Kyle said half absently. "Sheesh! You guys reek! What have you been doing? Rolling around in your own pasties? Go home and take showers or I'm not gonna help with this stupid story development."

"Pasties? Where the crap did that come? Do you mean to say..."

"No, I said what I meant to say. Remember, this is a story for Mormons after all. Now go home and take showers."

"Fine whatever. Its not like we'll melt from getting wet." (These guys aren't witches so of course they don't melt because of water)

"With soap." (That's a different story. Soap is one of those things that deteriorates away our skin. We're just giant germs so soap does nothing for us but kill us off).

"Soap... that's a different story. That might just make us melt," Jordon said tremblingly (he lost his brother to soap (not that he misses him, he's just scared he's next)).

"Oh come on guys. We're men. We can bathe... if we have to..." Kyle gulps (soap doesn't scare him, it's the shower gnomes that do (gnomes are everywhere)).

And so they separated and went to their own homes to partake of the ritual of bathing. Josh did gain back some intelligence (Ivan's smell had seeped into his skin & warped his mind (kinda like mercury poisoning). Jordon lost his left arm (soap melted his arm off) and Kyle got so waterlogged he grew gills (yay! That means he can return to his room (the abyss (its full of liquid darkness))). Then they returned to the home of Minime to try & figure out how to waste their most precious time.