As soon as the aliens abducted his rat, Jeremy remembered the rats self-destruct mechanism. He pressed the self-destruct button, the rat exploded, and the UFO came down in a giant fireball. Jeremy collected the alien artifacts which included several lasers guns and a hovercraft. The rat was no longer alive, so Jeremy was free to gather supporters and soon he had created a moderate-sized nation with many loyal peoples and a gigantic castle. One day when Jeremy was outside tanning, a monstrous cactus emerged on the horizon and blocked out the sun. Jeremy's solar powered society crumbled and he was forced to retreat to the center of the earth where he developed a city named Zion. Unfortunately for him, he infringed on several major copyright laws, and he lived in his castle, in the dark, in which he lost the use of his eyes and turned pale white. You are probably wondering how such an enormous cactus came to be eh?... eh?... Well to bad, I am going to tell you anyway. Using stolen green revolution technology, Brian spent 200 years growing and nurturing a mutant cactus. It developed a mind and Brian ordered it to destroy Jeremy's civilization. Which it promptly did. Jeremy was blinded by the bright light of the sun and fled deep into the Amazon. Where he swung upon vines wearing only a loincloth. Meanwhile Derek spent 200 years evolving a population of mutant chimpanzees that all answered to the name of BoBo. Derek used his mutant chimps to conquer Jeremy's castle. After later conquering the area commonly called Australia, there he built up a massive power base incorporating the native aborigines into his military schematics as scouts, raiders, and storm troopers. What happened to the chimps? Well after they fought the rats and forced them from the castle, Derek sent them to destroy the giant mutant cactus, which Brian kept tied to him by a large neon leash. The chimps quickly located the giant mutant cactus by its humongous glowing leash and attacked. A fierce battle raged in the time-honored style of the WWF. Time after time the chips entered the ring, only to be thrown out again by the Giant Mutant Cactus and his partner Brian. So, after the medics had cleared away the corpses, the chimp army threw away the rules and swarmed the cactus, whom they hoped to eat during a now long overdue lunch break. The poor cactus, on the advice of that congenial idiot Brian, decided to take a nap. When the chimps came it had no chance. The glutinous minions of Derek successfully consumed the Giant Mutant Cactus just prior to an outbreak of botulism among the Chimp Commandoes. The spawn of BoBo was no more. Or were they... Nope, they weren't. Suddenly remembering his stick of plutonium, Jeremy realized that he had it with him in his pocket. It had given him strange powers including superhuman strength, increased senses, an accelerated healing factor, and webbed fingers and toes. He then also remembered his laser guns and hovercraft. He said to himself, "Ook Dook Taggi Nooget," which being interpreted means, "why am I here, I should be conquering the World!" So he gathered up his belongings, put on some decent clothes and set off to Malaysia. Why Malaysia you ask, well behind the U.S., Russia, China, England, France, Germany, Japan, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Italy, Zaire, the Democratic Republic of Congo, and the Ukraine, it had the lowest peon to conqueror ratio in the world. Jeremy easily eliminated the competition and took Control. Of course, if he had any common sense then he would have known that Malaysia has the highest ration of psychotic Derek sympathetic monkeys to conquerors in the world. And obviously the monkeys sent word to Derek immediately so then he could decide what should be done about the evil Jeremy. Derek promptly swore to defeat the monkey homeland and combat the evil Jeremy. Derek set off with his army of aborigines and arrived in Chimpdon, as Malaysia is called by our primate friends. The aborigines stole the plutonium and lasers while the monkeys decimated Jeremy's hordes with their feet. Derek and Jeremy engaged in fierce combat, fully utilizing their super powers. Things weren't going so well for Jeremy when Brian shot and anti-evolution charge into the middle of the fray. Jeremy and Derek both lost their superpowers from the blast, along with the plutonium and all the world's technology. Jeremy and Derek continued their fray until they thought, "Hey this is stupid. Lets go get Brian." And so they did. Utilizing all their remaining armies, Jeremy and Derek raced after Brian. Brian tried to give them the slip, but suddenly an army of rats ascended from a fault line in the south and he was surrounded. They bound Brian and brought him to the southwest in North America. They located a 40 foot tall cactus surrounded by nothing but sand for miles. They tied him to the very top of the cactus and left him to nature. Derek and Jeremy then camped around "The Cactus" and only stopped ignoring Brian's futile, squealish cries to mock him and make crude jokes about his misfortune. They shared funny stories about Mayonnaise and Aborigines and threw rocks at Brian. The next day they recorded everything in The Scroll. Hail the Scroll! And thus we see that obscure and seemingly useless animals can be exploited to exert dominion over other people and places.

End of Scroll V