Here on this date of the second day of the fifth month in the second year of this great, great new millennium inside of the town named after our great leader Brian (who has just been sacked) we have begun the celebration of the Peruvian Llamas. The great, good, and glorious Derecian Regime has just been instituted by great, good, and glorious supreme ruler Derek. The government has recently been reformed by his zealous supporters, and the militaristic state is functioning properly. Suddenly, dark clouds appear in the distance and overtake the city. A great roaring sound comes from the west and shakes the earth beneath Derek's place of residence. Suddenly, Derek's house splits into four pieces and Jeremy's house erects from the earth and he becomes the sole leader. After Jeremy's misguided plan for dominance miserably failed, he was sent to prison. There he was doomed to watch reruns of "Rosie" for all eternity! Mwah Ha Ha Ha! Mwah Ha Ha Ha!! Suddenly the narrator died from a severe laughing spell, but the scroll, hail the great scroll, was discovered by and inquisitive young man, but back to the story. After 2000 years of being imprisoned, Jeremy was still living, so they released him because no one remembered his crime. As soon as he got out he was immediately sent to the Gulag II. There he mined to help create a mile high statue of our supreme ruler Brian. Brian ruled from his capitol of Briangrad for 300 years. Under his supreme guidance our glorious nation has descended into the depths of debauchery and idiocy. Unfortunately, our most idiotic, and yet revered, leader had committed no direct crime, so he cruelly ruled us by his military might. His legions of zeta-minuses ruled supreme. But soon our monstrous moron Brian committed a heinous crime. Not Once, not twice, but two-and-three-quarter times did he open the door to room 126. Caught in the act, he had no chance. Imprisoned and forced to watch obese neo-nazi-transvestite-Eskimos, who had been forced onto weight loss programs FOREVER!!! Mwah Ha Ha Ha!! Mwah Ha Ha Ha!! Mwah Ha- I didn't stop laughing I just ran out of breath- Mwah Ha Ha Ha! Mwah Ha Ha Ha! Little did they know that this enraged Brian to the point where he easily overpowered the Derek clones (Derek being the only on foolish enough to clone himself) and escaped back to Briangrad (Derek being the only one foolish enough not to rename the city.) Well, Brian ruled with an iron fist for the next couple of eons. Asdfjasdg, WE ARE VICTORIOUS!!! And the scribe has been replaced with one loyal to The Derek. After having forcibly taken the nation from Brian and his crew of zeta-minuses, Derek and his minions firmly established their control. Now that we have forcibly ejected all Brian-ish supporters from the nation and have placed them in reeducation centers where they will be taught the glories of The Derek. Soon the nation has been cleansed, and we now live in a peaceful economy within the bounds of DerekTopia. Briangrad is now used as the local refuse heap. Soon all is well and now we are happy at last. Brian and his idiotic minions have been destroyed and... Then I awoke and realized that such a horrible event could never take place. I'll go back to the story of Jeremy now. He was forced to wander aimlessly for 2000 years after he managed to escape the Gulag II. On his quest he learned to tame refuse heap rats. Fortunately for Brian that is just what he needed and he made Jeremy his minister of war. He led the rat army on a crusade against the homeland of Derek. The army gave the people of the land a great plague that wiped out most of the population and Derek's name became lost to the ages.

End of Scroll I