At that point Jeremy woke up and came to the realization that his brain was in a rhino's butt. Unfortunately, with no operable appendages, the tail had fallen off due to prolonged wagging, and Jeremy was unable to actually accomplish anything of note (with the exception of providing the many flies in the zoo with an unmolested landing platform) ((which while being of note because it allowed the flies to evolve into a pseudo-society it accomplished little else.)) Meanwhile Derek's mechwarriors had been repaired and he used them to institute the practical conquest of the world (the theoretical had already occurred as 99.99999999999999999934675% of the world population supported the Derecian Regime (the dissidents representing Brian, Jeremy, Bryan, Betsey Bayless, and e' ol' English gent'.)) Derek, having instituted a bloodless* (*the blood of rats, zeta minuses, renegade penguins, and mayonnaise not included) conquest of the entire globe proceeded to institute policies that revolutionized the world situation. One of which was the revocation of all patents, copyrights, ect. held by Brian, Jeremy of any affiliated parties whether private of public. The patents were now held by the state, which generated enough income that a flat tax of 0.1% was held on all industries and private or public entities. The massive proceeds of the Derecian tax reform allowed of budget surplus of $3.74586x10^123432123410 a month. The land rejoiced and Jeremy and his dyslexia were mocked with renewed vigor. "Jeremyish" became a word for those events which defied logic, such as: girls spending so much time in the bathroom, Brian winning games involving actual thought, "democracy", how zeta-minus survive, and similarly related events. "Derekish" became a term used to define all supremely cool occurrences and situations. Brian went insane from eating to many cheetos and became a mythical figure that latter generations would call "Super Man" (a figure known for its notorious unoriginality and limited intellect). Eventually (approximately 2000 years) the myth evolved to the point where this "Super Man" had abilities besides the stench he inherited from his long association with the Stinktronians and his unending bag of cheetos (which was now owned by the state.) Meanwhile, Earth had two moons orbiting around it and something terrible was bound to happen. Eventually, despite the blue saran wrap used in its construction, the first moon created by Jeremy plummeted down to the earth. While falling, the "moon" was burned in the passage through the atmosphere and ended up looking like a giant six-sided dice. The li'le ol' di' as e' ol' English gent' called it, fell on top of the zoo and smashed the rhino Jeremy's brian (brian being substituted for brain due to its distressingly limited intellectual ability) was implanted in. smashing it flat. very flat. After the "moon" fell to the earth the tribes inhabiting Africaland® saw it as a powerful portent and reengaged in their habitual warfare and advanced English compositions. The rebel rats began to reassert their dominance in both areas but were toppled by an internal revolutionary faction and left open for the penguins' subsequent attack. The previous treaty was re-instituted and many rats were shipped into slavery. The llamas and zeta minuses decided to focus their creative genes on poetry and managed to create a number of interesting concepts. The uhhhhhg-uhhhha, as the zeta-minuses now called themselves, produced such "geniuses" as Shakespeare, Wadsworth, Longfellow, and Tim the Tool Man. The llamas discovered picturisms and were hailed as geniuses for their remarkable works. But all of this was inconsequential because Africaland® soon became an even greater nuclear wasteland after mayonnaise ate through the number 3 reactor and created a 100000 megaton blast that wiped out all of these rival factions. Derek felt pretty sure of himself after putting all of the world's patents under his control. So much so that the security to his maximum-security palace consisted of a sliding glass door at the entrance. Brian stormed in with pieces of paper in his hands. It was The Treaty of Briangrad and The Constitution According To Brian. Behind him came 1000 lawyers. He then proceeded to make his case. After the Battle of the Three Armies in 836 A.D., Brian became the supreme ruler of the world and he forced Derek and Jeremy to sign a treaty. It stated that all property, countries, and anything else owned by them would be handed over to Brian. Both signed the document and it immediately went into effect. After 10 years of rule, Brian decided that in order for his society to function properly and steer away from the path of anarchy, he would establish a constitution. This he personally created over a weekend by locking himself in a room and watching nothing but the Simpsons for inspiration. This Constitution According to Brian was immediately hailed by the populous and was accepted everywhere as the natural law of the land. People believed that Vishnu had come down and given Brian his ideas. (actually, it was Betsey Bayless (who was really born with four arms but lost two in a tragic political rally)) Article I stated that, "Brian was the supreme lord and master of the land and that all other powers would be subordinate to his." He then went down to Article VI. It stated that, "all realities, partial realities, unrealities, or any other type of reality, or lack there of, are property of the state. The world may only consist of one official reality and all others will be abolished. The determination of what the official reality is will be settled in court by all parties affected by a change of reality." Brian then took off his glove and slapped Derek across the face. He said, "I'll see you in court. Sucka!" Two weeks later, they were all gathered in court. Jeremy's flat rhino carcass was brought in and laid up against the back wall. All parties were forced to represent themselves and so Derek started off by making his case. After he was done, annoyed grunts and moans came from the jury that consisted of cacti and zeta minuses. Brian swore that the jury selection was entirely random. Brian quickly won his case and therefore got to establish the official reality. He created this by melding together some conflicting partial realities, turning them into unrealities, then turning all unrealities into un-unrealities, thus, forming one unyielding, unchangeable, that's unchangeable, reality. This reality consisted of everything that happened except that instead of just Jeremy or just Derek being inside of the rhino, both of them were inside of the rhino as one entity. Sharing one brain, both of them (well technically just one) fought over the use of the tail, it being the only power that they could exert. Instead of having the giant dice fall on the rhino, Brian decided to be nice and had it fall in Siberia so that it may be used in the future. This was the extent of his change in the new reality and from that point on, no force could alter this reality. He then decided to expand his grasp of dominance. Selecting a group of 100 outstanding scientific leaders, Brian sent them to colonize the moon of Io in his name. Soon, very soon, Jeremy and Derek utilized their superior intellects to stem out their own nervous system from their dislocated, unified brain. Soon they had complete control over the whole rhino and Derek went rampaging worldwide. They gored Brian's 100 scientific leaders and all his lawyers, and there was nothing that Brian, his feeble brain, and his blasphemous constitution could do. The rhino was incidentally on the endangered species list, and the environmentalists were on Brian's heels every time he tried to counterattack Jeremy and Derek's progress. Soon, very soon, Jeremy and Derek used their collective intelligence to evolve the rhino. This had two positive effects: it now became a new species, which made it even more endangered, and it grew arms and speech capabilities. Jeremy and Derek wrote their own constitution up and rammed right into Brian's office. He shrieked like a girl and jump onto the nearby curtains (later evidence shows that he left a small yellow puddle on the carpet underneath him.) Brian's cheese-encrusted hands could not properly grip onto the curtains so he promptly fell to the ground. "Please don't kill me?" he asked rather politely (yet it was still a cowardly and heart-shaken grovel,) "I have a wife and two kids." Derek and Jeremy rampaged through the house and found out that he was indeed lying as normal. When they hurdled back into the room he was gone. They then checked the closet and found him in fetal position on the floor crying. "I'll do anything, just don't hurt me." Derek and Jeremy produced their constitution and bid him to tear his up and sign theirs. The new constitution ordered that Jeremy and Derek be separated and placed into newly cloned bodies of their former selves (with no defects or funny stuff.) They were to split all of Brian's property between themselves. Each would receive and equal share and split it 50-50. Brian was also to be tied to a cactus and hung upside down in the Gobi desert for four and a half years. Reluctantly, Brian had to agree. After Jeremy and Derek had received their legal shares of Brian's stuff and the magical Black Dragon from the 13th gate of Hell took Brian to the Gobi desert (Jeremy had gotten Brian's sole out of the deal), Jeremy and Derek went their separate ways. Before Jeremy left though, he had the rhino gore Derek to give himself a two-week head start while Derek had to heal. Jeremy had also learned how to tame rhinos while living inside one's rear end. Jeremy promptly took over the globe and the people supported him with earnest valor. All remnants of Derek and Brian's rule faded into the ages. Jeremy was once again the best.

End of Chronicle VIII