With androids and democracies popping up everywhere, Brian and Jeremy decided that they needed to put a stop to Derek's reign of terror. They decided to hit him where it hurt the most and so they challenged him to a game of Starcraft. Derek readily accepted, and because he was so sure of himself, he made the stakes high. If he lost, his android army would be handed over as well as all of the democracies he had helped foster. If Brian and Jeremy lost, they would have to give Derek the location of his 'ridge so that he could uncover it, and give him a piece of deli select Bashas' salami. The stakes were high indeed. So they began their game, Derek taking the Zerg, Jeremy taking the Protoss, and Brian taking the Zerg. The game went on for 15 years by all accounts. Derek believed to have them defeated when he had composed an army of 500,000 Zerglings. He sent them to destroy Brian, when suddenly his army began to be decimated. He did not realize what was happening until he entered the code to lift the fog of war. He was shocked at what he saw. There was a wall of cacti surrounding the bases of Brian and Jeremy and out of the gates burst an army comprised of millions of rats and zeta-minuses. Apparently Jeremy used his hacking abilities to create characters and add them into the game. Derek had no chance and so he had to hand over the androids and democracies. It was a hollow victory because what they really wanted was the secret of how to keep a refrigerator smelling so fresh. But they took what they could get. They divided up the democracies amongst themselves in a civilized manner. Brian got the USA, Canada, Great Britain, Germany, France, India, Australia, and Japan. Jeremy got the Democratic Republic of Congo, Sierra Leone, and Djibouti. Jeremy did not think this trade to be fair, and so Brian, being a good sport, said that they would switch if Jeremy won in a game of chess. So they began to play and just as Brian's king was in check and all appeared lost, an army of chess pieces resembling cacti and zeta-minuses swarmed the board. Jeremy summoned his army of rat shaped chess pieces to counter the invading hoard. An epic match ensued which was played on a chess board of 64,000 by 64,000 squares. Jeremy's army had no chance, for you see his rat pieces could only make the moves of a pawn while Brian's pieces could make the moves of a queen. Jeremy was defeated and for his insubordination, Brian took away Djibouti from him. Jeremy was furious at Brian's cheating techniques. Jeremy rose from the chess board, took a giant piece of ham, and decked Brian in the face with. Brian was out cold. Jeremy took the deeds for all the countries and a few of Brian's chess pieces and left. Jeremy then had an idea. He walked back into the room where Brian was, but he was gone. Suddenly, some dramatic music started playing. Jeremy cautiously walked around the interior of the building. Until now, Jeremy hadn't noticed what kind of building it was; it was an insurance building! Jeremy started muttering something under is breath about the IRS and the conservatives. He then found the source of the music. Brian was sitting at a desk discussing insurance policies with a customer and listening to dramatic music. He looked up at Jeremy and said, "Who are you? If you will excuse me, I am with a customer right now. Please wait in the lobby, my secretary will see to you." Jeremy was shocked, Brian did not know who he was. The ham had given him amnesia and the ability to sell insurance policies effectively. Jeremy's original idea was now spoiled, but he came up with a second idea. Jeremy rounded up the Jeremy and Brian androids. He gave them lots of different clothes and disfigured some of their faces. He then had the androids go one-by-one into Brian's office to discuss and purchase insurance policies. Brian would be selling insurance for eternity! (He also replaced Brian's secretary with talking piece of ham.) Jeremy then went outside, dug a moat, and filled it with acidic salad dressing to prevent any real customers from coming. Jeremy became the president of all of his democracies in the world, and the people loved and adored him. Within five weeks time he became the wealthiest, most powerful, most esteemed person in the world. When suddenly, he heard booming laughter. "Mu Ha Ha Ha! Mu Ha Ha Ha!" it laughed loudly. For a while, Jeremy wondered where such evil laughter could be coming from, but soon he fell to counting his "millions," and readily forgot the eerie laughter that seemed to have no source. Un-be-knownst to Jeremy, Derek had enacted phase two of his evil maniacal plan. [The previous scribe has been replaced for not knowing how to spell un-be-knownst.] The Derek, hiding in his realm outside of the 14th dimension had had eternity to plan, and his devious mind knew no bounds. Lazily he had worked away on his plot, even allowing his enemies to "beat" him in Starcraft in order to enact his vengeance. While his opponents gloated over their victory, Derek used a non-matter transporter (which was powered my mold growing on the giant piece of ham), and his computer to lock onto the theta waves their brains were emitting in their hour of exultation, and transported their essences into an alternate reality. Their intelligence he jarred and pickled to preserve for future study. (It had to be pickled because there was too little of it to waste, and even Jeremy's rats won't eat pickles.) Meanwhile, Derek programmed realities for their essences in his alternate reality program. Brain he turned into an insurance agent. To Jeremy he gave him what seemed to be control of the world, but he made Jeremy believe "democracies" were pieces of Swiss cheese and the world was an old ping-pong ball. Derek then took the bodies of Brian and Jeremy and entombed them in a giant inverted three cornered sphere. (It may sound in possible, but when you exist outside of space and time you have all the time in the world.) He then tied the sphere to a large piece of seaweed and chained the sea-weed to the bottom of the ocean (on earth). Inside that hellish prison Brain and Jeremy were forced clip each others toenails, braid each others hair, and window shop in a simulated mall. (Periodically maniacal laughter would sound through the speakers as well as music by the Backstreet boys, who Brian and Jeremy now loved.) Derek then left his abode outside of space and time and re-entered the real world, which he promptly took over. Immediately, he re-instituted Derekism, The Derician Regime, he retrained the Spawn of BoBo, and created a giant fortress manned by aborigines out of the continent of Australia. The world quickly fell in line, and the evil Democracies quickly faded in favor of the Derician Regime. All seemed lost for Brian and Jeremy... or was it?... the answer is no... or is it?... that answer is yes... or was (Blam!) (Derek's incompetent scribe was replaced by one which made more sense). Now where was I? Oh yes, while Derek was sitting on his throne he received a phone call. This seemed to be odd, because he didn't realize that he had a phone on his throne. He picked it up and heard, "Good day sir, may I interest you in purchasing some insurance? Did you know that three cornered sphere theft is up 562%?" The conversation continued for half an hour, and when Derek finally hung up he had purchased 80 trillion dollars of insurance. That was a lot of money back then, I mean now, and Derek was thrust into an inescapable debt. He had to sell off most of his countries and had to raise the taxes to 99%. This still didn't raise enough money, and soon the insurance company was at Derek's doorstep. Led by Brian, they took his fortress away from him and his refrigerator, which contained the alternate dimensions. While Brian was taking away the 'ridge, Derek came up from behind him and clobbered him over the head with a giant piece of ham. This caught Brian by surprise but he wasn't really harmed because Derek was laughably weak. In fact, Brian turned around and said, "You are laughably weak, ha ha ha ha." Suddenly, Brian regained his long lost memories. With his memory back, he took off with the refrigerator. Derek tried to chase after him, but he ran into a giant mob. Apparently, they weren't too happy with him raising their taxes to extreme levels. Derek ran off in the opposite direction and wasn't seen for quite some time. Brian then went into the 'ridge and went into the alternate dimensions. He then proceeded to go back and rescue himself from his prison when the paradox alarm sounded. He ran out of the dimension and out of the fridge as he called it. He quickly buried the fridge in the sand and took off on a camel he called Shadowfax. The fridge soon exploded leaving a massive hole in the ground. The hole filled up with water and Brian named it the Black Sea because that sounds better and is shorter than, The Sea Accidentally Created When Brian Tampered With Forces He Could Not Comprehend And Blew Up A Sizeable Portion Of The World With A Refrigerator. He then proceeded to outlaw ham (because it gave him amnesia) and Spam (because it tastes disgusting.) Anyone caught with these items would be required to write a commentary essay on how not to grossly mismanage a country.

End of Chronicle III