Jeremy successfully managed to conquer the entirety of the globe, and was hailed as a hero, for two whole weeks... Derek had had a long time to plot while entrapped in the refrigerator, and during this time he used his awesome knowledge of mechanics to convert the 'ridge (as he began to call it) into quite a comfy place. He turned that little light and the top shelf into a tanning bed, the second and third shelves into his living quarters, and the deli drawer into a sauna, all the while living on that HUGE piece of ham (which occupied the perishables drawer). He also constructed a radio out of common foodstuffs and monitored all radio traffic and wireless signals through his link into his secret satellite network. He knew what was happening in the world, and sadly he didn't care. Hurt by the betrayal of his loyal monkeys, he plotted. Derek knew that without Brian to mismanage the world, someone would have to fill that place (Brian was still trapped in his mayonnaise encased residence). And surely, after waiting patiently for two years and two weeks, the inevitable came to pass. It turns out Jeremy was right, power does corrupt (as he stated in a pre-takeover interview). It wasn't long before Jeremy grossly (and by grossly with three s's I mean far more grossly than any mismanaging to date) mismanaged the entire world! Even the Sahel rebelled under his terrible guidance! Public official corruption was up so high Jeremy didn't even receive any taxes or bribes! Through his monitoring of the air ways Derek heard the sound of celebrations coming from inside Brian's mayonnaise encased residence. Or at least that is what he came to believe. For in actuality, Brian had eaten through his mayo encasement and had escaped with his legions. Before leaving he inserted a tape recorder with a continuous loop of him celebrating. Derek, of course, didn't find anything suspicious about the words "yea yea" being repeated for days on end. With Derek distracted, Brian promptly tied several cacti to the refrigerator and placed it in Gobi desert so as to make escape impossible. Brian then proceeded to locate Jeremy. Secret agents told him that Jeremy could be found somewhere in central Europe wallowing in his own self pity. He found Jeremy tied to a pole and about to be burned at the stake for witchcraft (apparently the people of Europe had never heard of mayonnaise). He decided that he couldn't let Jeremy die this way, he at least had to feel the wrath of Brian's mockery first. So Brian sent his Zeta-minuses to walk through the fire and untie him. Jeremy them promptly threw mayonnaise at the people. This enraged them and they chased Brian and Jeremy from France to Turkey until they finally gave up. Jeremy now wanted to punish these people and Brian knew just how to do it. He said "OK Jeremy, here's what you have to do. First you (whisper, whisper) and then you (whisper, whisper)". Jeremy's eyes lit up with excitement. Two weeks later a massive amount of rats swarmed over Europe and infected a large percentage of the people with the plague. Chaos ensued and millions of civilians died. Jeremy watched the progress with Brian from an outpost in Siberia. But little did Jeremy know that the Brian he was conversing with was really a garbage bag stuffed with leaves, with broom sticks serving for arms and legs and a bucket on the top with a smiley face painted on it. Brian had also placed a tape recorder in it with a continuous loop of "uh huh, yes, of course" to throw Jeremy off. Now that his foes were out of the way he proceeded to conquer Europe. He introduced a vaccine for the plague and gave it to the people if they would swear allegiance to the Brian. People soon hailed him as a deity for saving their world and many statues and temples were erected to worship him. But little did Brian know that the Jeremy he thought to have saved from the fire and brought to Siberia had really been an android. The real Jeremy wouldn't of let commoners set fire to his precious body. Jeremy had indeed sent the rats to infect the people under Brian's advice, but the rats were not just carrying a virus, they were carrying two viruses! The second virus was designed to react with Brian's "secret" vaccine. Jeremy was able to easily discover the formula for Brian's vaccine because while Brian was recording his "uh huh, yes, of course" he forgot to turn off the tape recorder when he was designing the vaccine. Jeremy received the formula from his android and constructed his second virus to trigger at the height of Brian's reign. Heck, even Derek knew Brian's formula, and he was living in a refrigerator. By the time Brian had realized his folly, it was too late. There was a massive revolution in which there were many horrible deaths. Brian lost all of his stock, and without his money his power faded also. The world then began to create their own Governments. It was surely amusing to behold. Never had Brian, Jeremy, or Derek heard of Governments where the people enjoy freedoms. It was strange. While the worldwide revolution was going on, Jeremy took a trip out to the Gobi dessert to visit his ham-tied friend. He laughed when he found the 'ridge tied to several barrel cactuses. Feeling unusually cruel, Jeremy decided to exploit Derek even further. He had his rats construct a pyramid covering the refrigerator and then let a massive sandstorm cover the pyramid. He then planted a cactus on top of that. Then he walked away. Where he walked away to was uncertain. Meanwhile, Brian the garbage bag and Jeremy the android stood standing out in the middle of Siberia waiting for their masters to return. Unbeknownst to both Brian and Jeremy, a fridge was no bar to the awesome influence of The Derek. For a time he had been content to wallow in the mediocre home he had created in the 'ridge, but soon his unnatural ambition took control of him yet again. Mostly though he had grown tired of ham and so he created a food synthesizer after he had been imprisoned for 2 years and 3.5 weeks. Using his miraculous discoveries, Derek then proceeded to create a small hole in the space-time continue-um where he began to expand his 'ridge. Living outside of time, he was able to build a huge mansion that only existed past the 14th dimension, although the back door could be accessed through the fruit compartment of the fridge with the proper knowledge. All this was Derek did in what amounted to .0000000000000000000000000000000001 seconds in "the real world". After having created his mansion, Derek began meddling in world affairs once again. From outside of time and space Derek was able to send messages to his minions still on the earth. He cleverly watched and waited for Brian and Jeremy to screw up, and he knew that it would happen without his benevolent guidance. Then while Jeremy and Brian plotted and schemed Derek mastered Mario Tennis and Starcraft. After that, though, not being constrained by time or space, Derek expanded and improved his mansion yet again. Finally, with infinite time to spare, Derek sent his minions into the world to wreak havoc! Around the globe they spread, all the while telling the people of the glory of democracy" and "freedom". New "democracies" popped up everywhere, and Brian and Jeremy watched helplessly and their empires collapsed around them. Meanwhile, Derek laughed. It sounded something like this, "Mu HA HA HA! Mu HA HA HA!" Derek then turned his mind to other matters, such as revenge. He decided upon a particularly apt form of torment for both Brian and Jeremy, but reserved most of it for a latter date and for now contented himself with creating androids of Brian and Jeremy and programming them to run around the world spreading the glories of Derekism.

End of Chronicle II