Well, it was more like two days, but... the night was dark and stormy; Derek was out drilling with his invasion fleet when suddenly he saw it. In fact, he realized that he had been watching it for quite some time, watching as it slowly approached his ships. It was small, it was ugly, it was propelled by a hand turned crank. It was Brian. Evilly, he planned to observe the training maneuvers of the Derecian fleet, unfortunately he was piloting a neon orange "sub" he had constructed out of pool floaties, construction paper, and saran wrap. Derek cringed when he thought of how long Brian must have been turning that absurd crank in order to come 300 miles out to sea. He then pondered weather or not to mock Brian or send his flotilla to crush him. He decided upon mockery. That was a fatal mistake. Little did Derek know that there was an army of Zeta-minuses on the bottom of the ocean marching right up underneath his fleet. But how did they survive on the bottom of the ocean without having to breathe? Simple, their intelligence is so low that they don't realize that they have drowned. Well anyway, they proceeded to swim up towards the ships. Once there, they began to bang their heads against the ships' hulls. The ships promptly sank and Derek's "mighty" fleet was destroyed. Derek hadn't realized this yet though. He was too busy throwing pretzels at Brian and mocking him. Brian took the punishment (and I mean punishment because they were those sharp pretzel sticks that cut his skin and then the salt got in the cuts and it stung) in order for his minions to do their work. Derek eventually turned around and when he did he said, "Rats!" But this expression was not entirely inaccurate, unknownst to either Derek or Brian, Jeremy had hid hundreds of crates of rats within Derek's fleet the night before. True, Derek had lost his fleet of ships, but he was more concerned about being eaten alive. These weren't just your everyday rats, these things were as big as cats, and had gills! Derek screamed like a girl and jumped onto Brian's "sub". "Let's work together just this once, okay?" pleaded Derek. "Oh, all right you pansy," replied Brian casually, "Get in!" Derek got in the "sub" and he and Brian cranked together as they were being pursued by a horde of insane vermin. The rest of the rats decided to finish off the zeta-minuses, as they were too stupid to realize that they were being eaten. Derek and Brian weren't seen for three weeks. And what a long three weeks it was (all of it being spent turning the crank and mocking Jeremy (who could be seen standing upon his swimming rats directing the search for the neon orange "sub" Brian had so laboriously constructed)). Luckily, (for Derek that is) Derek managed to contact the Spawn of BoBo who had been preparing for a naval invasion of the Philippines to come and save him using common appliances Brian had brought with him on the sub. Namely a hair dryer, some nail clippers, a make-up kit, a curling iron, and a book on pool supply maintenance. Derek had to do this because Brian had foolishly neglected to include any communications equipment on board the sub; he had only brought personal hygiene supplies. Anyway, using his radio, Derek secretly contacted his agents and ordered the confiscation of all toilet paper, and the destruction of all toilet paper production facilities in the world!!! Mu HA HA HA! Once his agents had secured the toilet paper, Derek ordered his minions to get him off the "sub" once and for all. Silently, in the Dark of Night the Spawn moved in for the kill... They successfully evaded the mutant rats and reached the sub, where Brian had foolishly left Derek at the "helm". Brian was captured and tied to his bed, while the Spawn ransacked the ship (taking all of the toilet paper on board). Once Derek was safely back in his stronghold of Australia, he waited and built up his defenses, protecting the stocks of toilet paper. The world fell into chaos. Without toilet paper, what would the common man do? Sure, Jeremy could use mutant rats, and Brian could use zeta-minus, but what about everyone else? You know, those billions of people who are in turmoil and are willing to look to any person with direction and will do anything to seek vengeance upon Derek? Well, Brian rallied the support of these masses and turned their loyalty to himself. Under his brilliant militaristic leadership, Brian's minions successfully created a blockade around Australia and cut off all of Derek's supply lines. Derek attempted to wait out the blockade because he thought that Brian had a short attention span. He eventually ran out of food and learned to make edible products out the plethora of toilet paper that he so selfishly hoarded. The spawn of BoBo soon began to drop dead out of starvation and, yet, Derek would not surrender. Brian met with BoBo in order to negotiate a deal, Brian would lift the blockade if they would give him Derek as a prisoner. Later that night, Derek heard a bunch of "ooh ooh" and "ahh ahh" noises in the distance. They gradually grew louder. He looked out the window of his Hooverville to find himself surrounded by hundreds of the spawn of BoBo. He tried to fly away using his superpowers, but then realized that he didn't have any. They promptly captured him and took the prisoner to Briangrad. However, on the way to Briangrad, Jeremy happened to cross the paths of these mutant monkeys. Jeremy released large amounts of sleeping gas (a new patent of Jeremy's) and knocked out the entire army of monkeys and Derek. Jeremy had some of his rats carry Derek to Jeremy's secret base. Jeremy then tied Derek (who was already tied to his bed) to a giant piece of ham, and put him in a large refrigerator (also a new patent of Jeremy's). He then sold the toilet paper on the black market and put all the monkeys in zoos around the world. Brian, being Brian, patiently waited for the monkeys for two long years before finally realizing that they weren't going to come. However, by this time, Jeremy had already taken over Briangrad, renaming it to Jeremystan. Brian's temporary residence was then encased in poison mayonnaise. Escape for Derek and Brian seemed utterly inevitable as Jeremy continued to conquer the globe, uniting all people and rats under his glorious, glorious name.

End of Chronicle I