In the meantime, the people that Brian had exiled onto a boat in the North Atlantic became slightly upset. (By slightly I mean in comparison to the grand anger and vengeance that Brian is able to reap.) They decided to form a coalition with the local penguins of Iceland, the colorblind idiot that named Greenland, and some mermaids who were tired of having radioactive mayonnaise and aborigine carcasses dumped on their homes. Betsey Bayless (who (because of radiation poisoning) grew a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg plus a serpentine tail)) headed this force and she named it NATO. That is an acronym for: The United Federation Of People Who Are Fed Up Of Being Exiled By Brian Even Though We Do Have To Acknowledge That He Is A Great Ruler But That Doesn't Give Him Just Cause To Make Fun Of Betsey Bayless Even Though She Is A Moron And Is Still Sadly Leading Us. (She never took any English composition courses from Llama Tech in Zanzibar.) Over a period of 13 and 1/3 months, NATO plotted and built up their forces. Because Derek was the current leader, NATO easily expelled him and established their "democratic" will across the globe. Brian was clearly the only one with the intellectual might to counter this force, but he was preoccupied with his new hobby: experimenting with wheat grass. Apparently he had acquired quite a taste for it and he became even more youthful and vibrant. One day some men in black suits came up to him and said that they were going to take his land because NATO was going to use the Ganges River Valley as an artillery range. Brian refused and karate chopped them off of his land. 6 hours later artillery shells came raining down on his house and napalm was dropped on his stash...of wheat grass. He called up Betsey Bayless and she said that she knew nothing of this "odd incident" and that she was "saddened" by this "loss". Unknown to Betsy, this conversation was on videophone and Brian was sorely angered by her air quotes. Because of the constant shelling, he had to move to a more peaceful area: Yugoslavia. There he used mayonnaise (Jeremy) as a powerful fertilizer to grow a race of super grass. Out of this Brian was able to create a super high protein drink that he coined mayoaid®. It soon became a worldwide seller and Brian became a gafrazillionaire, a new level of wealth that he created to mock Jeremy's idiocy. With this money he purchased Malaysia, plowed everything down, and turned the entire country into a massive field of grass. Derek and his spawn fled to Vietnam and engaged in fierce compositional guerrilla warfare with the Viet Cong. Now that Brian's wave of spite had been achieved, he enacted his wave of vengeance. He went down to the lower mantle and planted a mutant cactus underneath Betsey Bayless's renovated mansion. With all of the bacteria, the cactus grew at an extremely rapid pace. Five days after it was planted, Betsy heard a rumbling sound under the ground. She looked out the window to see giant thorny arms lifting the structure into the air. She summoned Paul Bunyan (who happened to be a member of NATO) and he chopped it down in one blow. As he was laughing and celebrating his victory, two cacti emerged from the stump. It turns out Brian anticipated this attack and so he added hydra DNA to it. This angered the lumberjack and he proceeded to chop and chop...and chop, each time doubling the number of limbs of the leviathan. It grew so big that from across the continent Derek could see it and he trembled cowardly and began to beg for mercy. Jeremy had now just finished reforming his body by gathering all the dispersed mayonnaise his body was converted to. Jeremy came to watch the battle of the giants and to see Brian's face when his monster cactus plan was about to fail again. Sure, the cactus was big and able to multiply, but it was still digestible. Paul Bunyan called upon his big, blue, bull friend and together they consumed the cactus. Brian's sinister smirk was wiped off his face when he realized that he made the same mistake as last time. Brian ran for his life and went into hiding to escape the incomprehensible (at least to him) wrath of Betsey Bayless. Empress Bayless had all his grass fields and worldly possessions destroyed. Derek, without his Constitutionally protected, physics defying, powers shrunk back in the bitterness of sadness and hid among his few remaining monkeys (Bayless had also stripped Derek of his worldly possessions and armaments.) Jeremy, however, had a plan. Jeremy also, however, had to run in fear of his life from the crazed murdering giant, but once he was back safe in his mayonnaise factory... er... I mean... um...mustard factory, he began to carry out his ingenious plan. However, he could not do it alone, He allowed Derek and Brian to join forces with him this one time. Using Brian's gafrazillion dollars, they prepared to go to war. And Derek, Jeremy, and Brian eagerly plotted their next move. And thus we see that there are still and will always be rats, mayonnaise, monkeys, cacti, zeta-minuses, and the like, and many will try to thwart the actions of the esteemed Derek, Jeremy, and Brian; however, they are all doomed to failure, and the domineering leadership of Derek, Jeremy, or Brian will always prosper, well occasionally prosper, well... no... wait... I got it... most likely prosper... no... how about... um... Oh!... usually prosper, and many a individuals will always oppose them but will always lose, and Derek, Jeremy, and Brian will most likely, usually, maybe always win despite the formidable and not quite so formidable opposition that they confront which are contained within the...

Two days later, The Scroll was found next to a dead man with a pen in one hand and an arrow in his chest that said "JeremyInc©". It was found by another, more educated scribe who was able to form complete sentences that have a purpose and don't go on for more than 4 lines and who knew how to spell "Jeremies".

End of Chronicle X