- To Derek, from a Press Conference: How did your aborigines interact with the Spawn of BoBo?
- At first, the relationship was a bit tense. The aborigines wanted to stew several of the monkeys, and the Spawn wanted to serve an aborigine buffett in the mess hall on Tuesdays... but after those initial misunderstandings were worked out, everything worked pretty well...
- To Derek, from a Press Conference: How in the world were you able to survive a 90-mile fall?
- You don't wanna know. All I'm willing to say is this: "The old English gent from the park who told you turtles were not reptiles was wrong. I know that supposedly old English gents are never wrong, but this one was."
- To Jeremy, from a Press Conference: Now, when you say "giant, moldering pile of putrid mayonnaise", exactly how much mayonnaise are you really talking about?
- Let me answer that question with yet another question: Are you sure you want to know? Let's just say that it is more than enough to make a lot of sandwiches, A LOT OF SANDWICHES.
- To Jeremy, from a Press Conference: What ever happened to your time machine?
- That information is classified at the moment for an obvious reason, but I will give you a hint: It's in my backyard. Wait! I mean... it's not in my backyard! Oh geez.
- To Brian, from a Press Conference: What exactly did it feel like to be tied to a cactus?
- Being tied to a cactus is not as painful as it appears. Sure, it hurts when the spines dig into your skin, but after a while you become used to it. After a while you don't even notice it, it just becomes an extension of your body.
- To Brian, from a Press Conference: What exactly is a Zeta-minus? What do they look like? What language do they speak? How many legs do they have?
- A Zeta-minus is a species of homo sapien that I have grown from its embryonic state to be a mindless follower of the Brian. They are approx. three feet tall and have no operable appendages extending from their body. Their IQ ranges from an intelligent 20 to an idiotic 18. Because of this, they don't really do much except struggle to stay upright and breathe. Their communication consists of grunts in which they don't even understand. Despite all of these apparent pitfalls, they are a force not to be reckoned with.
- To Brian, from a Press Conference: How did you manage to mismanage the world so very many times? Didn't you learn from your mistakes?
- (Blank stare) Guards! (Two guards run over to the reporter) Please escort our "friend" off of the facilities and show what we do to people who ask too many questions. (Maniacal laughter insues) (The reporter is now serving an undetermined amount of time in the Gulag II).
Press Conference
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