Mismanagement for Dummies, the sequel to the best-selling novel, Dictatorship for Dummies, published by JeremyInc®. This book was awarded the Pulitzer Prize in 1262 AD.


Introduction:

From the #1 best selling author of Dictatorship for Dummies comes the next installment in the series of books involving world conquest. This book broaches a subject that is not discussed by great rulers and tacticians, yet, it is a very real and potentially catastrophic issue: mismanagement. This word is considered to be a great vulgarity, but why? The reason is simple, it can be caused by the slightest thing, such as a single protester or being bit by a ravenous monkey, and once it begins, the effects snowball until the ruler finds their naked castrated corpse being paraded through the streets on Christmas Day...or something along those lines.

Chapter 1 (Size Matters):

Mismanagement can happen to anyone, even the best of us. One factor that plays an important role in this is the size of your country/territory/deranged mental state in which you believe that you are emperor when in reality you walk up and down the street debating amongst yourself the vast complexities of the third button on your shirt while people in passing vehicles hurl soy based products at your epidermis (hey, it could happen). If your country is small, say the size of a desk drawer, it should be fairly easy to manage the resources and control the populous that inhabits it. But, as the size increases, so does the difficulty in managing it. The effect is exponential and it requires a ruler of a certain level of tact and intelligence (namely me) to handle such a thing. Yet, if you are a person that wants to see how much land they can grab before being mercilessly dragged from your palace and torn apart by the starving indigenous peoples, might I suggest sending your army through the Ukrainian portion of Europe. The populous of this region is highly fickle and will turn on you in a second, not to mention that they are protected by the greatest partisan army in the world, the Brian Elite, yet the land is so vast that major thrusts can be made into it easily...before the supply lines are over extended, cut off, and the army brutally slaughtered. Anyway, have fun, you’ve got nothing to lose since you have not the slightest chance of becoming a world power, so you might as well go for it all and perhaps get a footnote in a history book.

Chapter 2 (Treatment of Those Around You):

"Silence insolent fiend" or "Such arrogance will have you fed to the lemurs" are great lines to give to chained and enfeebled prisoners, but can be harmful if said to your minister of war, or pool cleaner. The quickest way to be usurped it to agitate those around you because the will most likely not put up with your haughty attitude. The only exception is if you have a secret police, strong bodyguard, and a Gulag type facility to quickly weed out dissension and have them eliminated, Muha ha ha ha. But I’m sure that you don’t have these, do you...Do You! No. And if you are reading this then you are a person that has great ambitions and are not likely to let anyone stand in your way, but be leery and watch out for people that are going to stick out their toes and trip you.

Chapter 3 (Promises):

These are great things to give to the people. The best way to get elected is to give wild and crazy promises that, theoretically, would increase the value of living incredibly. But. A word of warning. Do not set a fixed date to these vows, that would be suicide (political as well as literal). Sure, you can say that the town well will be fixed by May 3 or that cold fusion will be harnessed in two months, but when these dates pass...run, run, run, and never look back, or stay and be slaughtered, its your choice.

Published and copyright 1252 A.D. JeremyInc©, brought to you by BriCo. World Industries.