/~* A Scroll Tale™ *~\
Choose Your Own
Unable to move because of fear, I stood there, motionless, for three sun downs. After the third day I started to have a gathering of people, and after the fourth it occured to me what my next step should be. I would break the world record for remaining motionless the longest. Yes! This was my destiny! I would be hailed as a deity for my super... uh... holding-still powers and ability to be... uh... unmoving. Yes! The people of the world would woship me like an idol, they would bring gifts and set them before me, they would sacrifice their first borns, they would prostrate themselves on the ground and kiss my feet. I would take over the world by doing absolutely nothing! MWAH HA Ha ha ha ha!!! After the 13th day, however, I began to feel a tingling in my feet. I peered down to realize that my urine, which was mildly acidic had eaten through my shoes and was now eroding my feet away.
Due to your corrosive urine caused by your poor dietary habits, you will spend the next 439 days being eaten alive by your kidneys' excretions. Slowly your smell has driven people away, but a reality show has been created in your honor called "Survivor: Ben," where people set up a camp around you and try to survive the harsh conditions that your odor presents. The last one to survive receives $100,000,000 in gift certificates. Your brother Andrew ends up winning and becomes a world renown author, famous for his books about how he survived.